eclipsed by me

i was running with you all night. it started as we were leaving a deli, looking for the car in the parking lot. people were walking over to where we were from next door. i saw a girl i knew from school, and she asked if i was leaving. i said yes. she mentioned that there was a warrant out for my arrest and everyone that was walking was set up and they were still looking for me. we finally got into the car and drove away really quickly. we ended up somewhere where there was a lot of snow. we also ended up inside another place, altho this one was mostly empty. we were in a giant empty garage like room, with a painted red floor, hiding while they were searching for us outside. we slipped out the back door and i went around back and waited as you went to look for the car again. we can never find that damned small car. you drove around back and picked me up and we headed back out onto the snowy roads. we took a side street to make it back to the main road without being seen. and we were running again… i was wanted for killing someone. and i guess i actually did do it…

needless to say, i was and still am exhausted since i think i ran all night in my sleep last night. :p

i have this tendency to think about things a lot. a real lot lot. and i have this current thing that i keep thinking about. and i wanna do something about it. but i don’t know what to do or if it’s a good thing to do or what it will bring. and all i really want is to be genuinely sorry and be really honest even tho it makes me look like a complete jackass. i wish i could just let this person in my head to feel what i want them to understand. because i just want to put it behind me. i wonder if it’s already been put behind her… and bringing it up will only make it worse. i don’t want to make it worse for her. how do you decide what to do? i wish someone could help me decide what to do… i need to stop thinking for a while.

“hurry!” she said. i looked back to see it coming closer and closer. we were running along the highway as fast as we could. it didn’t even seem strange that there were no cars in the middle of the day. it didn’t seem strange that we were being chased by a man and a large cat. the cat looked something similar to a lion. but it wasn’t. “oh god, nooooo!” i saw red being dragged into the ditch. an arm was left behind….

climbing the tree cut my feet up, but i didn’t have a choice. he called to me from up there, begging me to hurry. he had the arm and he was looking at it intently. “watch.” he said. he slowely began to nibble at the muscle. it looked soft and fresh. he peeled pieces of meat like string cheese and ate all that he could. taking the few bone fragments that were left, i jumped down from the tree, dropping behind me a shaving of the pelvis…

the police located the body hours later and i was watching them from above, just as they were watching me. we were in a dark room. i had people with me, walking around the giant circle with me. a lady came up to me, holding the shaving of the pelvis and told me what it was. “it looks like a butterfly wing.” i said. she looked at me strangely then left. and we continued around the circle…

“i’m not sure they ever found that cat.” i sat thinking to myself. i was one of about 30 waiting for tests in the hospital waiting area. people went in and out around me, with no complaints or issues. i waited. 9:15. 10:15… i wandered around and then decided to lay down. there was a man sitting on a couch in the middle of the room. i lay on half the couch and closed my eyes. he began moving the couch, like a porch swing. i woke, watched as the whole room moved up and down with the swinging and tried to get off. the police were there under me again. someone else was dead. i just wanted my test done…

i watched from the corner as they all surrounded the dead thing. “i wish i didn’t wear this pink shirt.” i thought. it’s so obvious. i wandered to the edge of the group and saw them fussing over a dead dummy. such wasted time. i asked when i would get my test and they took another person in ahead of me as i wandered back into the corner…

this time they won’t ever forget.

this is not the layout i want, it’s just the only one i can make right now because i have no idea what the hell i’m doing! :D omgkthx

there were like 3 dead deer piled up in a ditch this morning on my way to work. fucking sick. :( how come no one cares about the animals? it makes me sad. i wish that i could have enough money to adopt and care for all the abandoned, sick, abused, and homeless animals. and i wish people would just slow down and pay attention so that animals can make it across the road safely. it’s been a terrible summer for squirrels, porcupines, raccoons, and deer. i’ve seen something dead everyday. think about that. would someone care if the roles were reversed? it shouldn’t have to take that thought to be considerate of all the other creatures on the earth. stupid people.