i saw a hawk this morning. what a lovely way to live, flying through the crisp autumn morning, sunshine, hunger… i looked directly at the sun to see it then closed my eyes. i didn’t mind that i was driving. it was actually comforting. thinking of the way my car would roll slightly to the left, upside down, and i would finally be able to rest, alone, quiet. my turn for silence. and i opened my eyes in time to see myself crossing into the other lane. i was lost, on that familiar road, morning traffic, the same cars, and for one moment i felt okay, since i wasn’t rushing to work, i was rushing to rest.
Sep
15
i said that name and skipped a heartbeat
i said it with a second chance and a forgetful smile
i said it with the faint glimmer of suicide
i tasted my wreckage in our conversations
deep under the faint hums of far gone engines
with all signal flares blazing we lay somewhere inbetween
the smear of yellow lines and empty promises
i long for the grant of wings
i long for the dead of night when all of this passes
you never meant those three words
now i can’t remember how to set my heart alight
you never meant a word, not a fucking word of it
i am so sick of goodbyes
i’m so sick of committing suicide
i am so sick of the inbetween now and then
so sick of swinging the hammer
so sick of my suicide
of burying every hero that i had
-jacob bannon – converge
Sep
9
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!@!312!!1111! :P
i’m all done. no more of this, i’m going insane. and jesus i’m tired.
and i miss you soooooooooo much. so fucking bad. it sucks. i hate it.
Sep
7
there are words on the tip of my tongue. words fumbling around in my brain. pieces of a wonderful chaos that just won’t come together. we are almost there.