i’m desperately trying to find organization in my life. i need to identify and align. i need to create and customize. i need to calm down, that’s what i need…
i want. so many things. but first i guess i need to find motivation. but shouldn’t wanting be the motivation? i thought so, but i don’t know now. it’s hard for me to tell since i still want stuff and i’m not any closer to getting it. or am i. i mean, it is almost another year gone. another year closer. to what tho? god, i hate my brain. nothing ever makes any sense when i look at it in words. i have to figure out a way to convey what i am thinking and seeing in my brain. that has to be how people go insane. you’ll find me one day in the bathtub laughing out of control, my eyes rolling back in my head periodically, blood pouring from my mouth because i can’t come up with the words… sometimes i wonder what it would be like if my brain could consume me. slowely envelope me in it’s insanity until i’m completely lost in my own little world. maybe that’s a prediction of what i have to come. dementia. the flow of one thing to another is broken. does anyone else notice that? one thing leads to dementia, leads to broken, leads to lipgloss. nerve endings triggering the wrong reaction.