eclipsed by me

i need new music. i need something to be obsessed with. i need something that i can get lost in. suggestions please please please. help me! i need more lovely music like avec, mirah, carina round, rilo kiley… i’m starting to need to make music. i can listen and become immersed in a lot of stuff, but i’m still missing something.

there was a crooked man
and he walked a crooked mile
he found a crooked sixpence
upon a crooked stile
he bought a crooked cat
who caught a crooked mouse
and they all lived together
in a crooked little house

for the past 2 weeks i’ve woken up exhausted. and i’ve slept. but i’ve been so busy in my dreams, i haven’t been able to rest while i sleep. i’ve dreamt about work, about friends, about death, about feeling left out, about being in control, being out of control, being lost, being the first in line, floating in the ocean, watching the today show from my front yard, electrocution… you name it and i’ve pretty much had a dream around it these past few weeks.

stress is wearing me out. i’m pretty sure that’s it. the nasty cold i’ve got isn’t helping. and running around between work and holiday stuff… bah…

i’ve got big hopes for next year. big new plans and things that i want to finally achieve. i need to start off the year with energy, not feeling like i got hit by a train. i hope i can finally get some sleep this weekend…

it’s sick how people judge. and it’s sick how people can be so ignorant. and william grim is just as much of a fucked up person as nathan gale and he deservers to be in hell with him. it’s so unfortunate that people can’t look beyond the outside and realize that we are all only human beings.

i wanted to post this site because i thought his reply rocked. thanks h3ll5p4wn for such a great letter.

now to prepare my own…

i don’t really know what i am doing. and this is when i feel like i should. i’ve got all these plans and new things going on next year. new jobs. i’m terrified. how do you ever know if you are making the right decision or not? what if leaving here is a bad idea? yes, i hate it here. but you know what? i don’t hate it all the time. or am i convincing myself of that so i stay where it’s comfortable… i just feel sad today. tired. got a sore throat and a headache. trying to take every little thing that i do and turn it into a manual for my job. it’s impossible. why does life have to be so difficult? i can’t help but wonder if this is really what our purpose is… wherever we came from, however we ended up here… just doesn’t seem like this is what it was supposed to be about. *sigh*