eclipsed by me

2003-06-05
time is neverending
like the needles you slip underneath the sheets each night
i know you saw me cringe, and you grinned and then we went into that swirling world together… alone…
time is always-ending
like the pedals that fall each morning with the heaviness of the dew.
and i know you saw me fall, and you grinned and we woke from that swirling world together… alone…

2003-07-10
absorbed, saturated
moving through life without thought
just please, you do notice, right?
it’s numb, my mind
numb
i hear nothing but dull mumbled sincerities of nothing but numbing words that slur into nothing because there’s nothing in my mind
numb
absorbed

i found jamie. and i love her. and i missed her. and i’m happy. now i just need some time to visit with her. i miss having a bestest friend. i mean i have people, always have, but life is different now with family and work and all the adult crap. lately i miss a girlfriend, who wants to drink blue slushies and ride around in the car being obnoxious and singing really loud and laughing until we can’t see! someone to share lip gloss with and someone to wander around the salvation army with, looking for clothes that we can make into cooler clothes. la la la…

i don’t like being 30 today. it’s the first time 30 felt old. :(

i keep hearing songs that remind me of you, even tho i don’t know you. and i talk with you about them in my head. telling you stories, bringing us together again, one more time, for the first time, every time. i wish i could seep into your veins like the music into our souls. i’d whisper i’m sorry and what if and i should’ve. and you’d understand. and we’d dance and sing together, all the songs that reminded me of you. the songs that reminded you of me.

i love good music damnit i fucking do. i need more too. please help. thanks.
current goodness:

avec

jean baudin is quite possibly the coolest man alive. very impressive. and a custom 9 string pac-man conklin bass?!! come on! it doesn’t get cooler than that. seriously now.

btw, coolest man alive aside from kaas33n0 r4wb!!
omgkthx mb!