eclipsed by me

i’m thinking too much. my brain never stops. and i never get a break from it, you, them, stuff. i’m daydreaming too much. thinking about this, that, what is, could be. but aren’t you kinda dead if you stop all that thinking and daydreaming? it certainly would be easier tho. nothing is ever easy. why can’t your obvious path just be there, lit up, with pretty white christmas lights, beckoning you forward? why isn’t it ok to enjoy what makes you feel good and go where you feel loved? and why do we have to worry about hurting everyone along the way? are we all really that important? i wonder why i think i’m so important. or maybe i just wish i was important to someone. my head hurts today.

i’m having a serious emily obsession. how could i not…

cursed with a love that you can’t express.
it’s not for a fuck or a kiss.
rather give the world away than wake up lonely,
everywhere in every way i see you with me.

crowd surf off a cliff, land out on the ice.
crowd surf off to sea, float toward the beach.
if you find me, hide me, i don’t know where i’ve been.
if you find me, hide me, i don’t know where I’ve been.

are we breathing, are we breathing, are we wasting our breath.
it won’t be enough to be rich.
rather give the world away than wake up lonely,
everywhere in every way i see you with me.
all the babies tucked away in their beds,
we’re out here screaming, “the life that you thought through is gone!”
can’t wind down, the ending outlasting the move. i wake up lonely.

crowd surf off a cliff, land out on the ice.
crowd surf off to sea, float toward the beach.
if you find me, hide me, i don’t know where i’ve been.
when you phone me tell me everything i did.
if i’m sorry you lost me you’d better make it quick
‘cause this call costs late where you live, it’s late where you live.

..emily haines..

clar·i·ty – noun
clearness or lucidity as to perception or understanding; freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity.

when will i find this?

and i cannot stop shaking because you cannot stop shaking
and these chords they are trembling because your words they are bleeding
and these holes in my hands are for you, just for you
she called out to her maker to now be her savior
my love, these holes in my hands are for you, just for you
..jacob bannon..