eclipsedbyme

i don’t want to eat meat anymore… seriously…
i don’t like cruelty. i love all animals.

two jobs makes me so very very tired… soooo tired. i’m not sure i’ll do this much longer. i’d really like just one. and i miss you, but i tell you that all the time. :)

i don’t really wish for money or anything specific, i just want peace and quiet and happiness and time for life outside of work. i wanna plant some bulbs this fall. i wanna clean out the basement before winter and i want cuddle time every single day… never enough time.

i’m pretty sure that friggin pony thing is finally gone. it hasn’t been out since the fence was torn down that day. i’m kinda pissed now, because i never got a picture of the freakish thing. and in a sick way, i kinda miss it’s creepy stuffed face hovering over the grass. i hope it doesn’t start haunting me tho, because that will really make me uncomfortable.

jason seriously rocks. :D

so i like my new job, actually quite a bit. and i still hate, actually hate more than ever, my full time job. so now i need the part time to go full time so i can get the fuck out of this hell before i kill someone. getting out from under this job will be the best thing in my life. i forgot what it feels like to enjoy work. i don’t wanna spend the rest of my life like that. it’s pointless. i have too many happy things going on to let this overshadow them. i need to get out. need to get out…

after bitching about bitching about hating my job, instead of taking a new one, i add on another one! woohoo! i fucking rock! you are looking at the new part time assistant manager of hot topic baby. how lame is that? so seriously lame…
any bets on how long it lasts?

promises
that lead to nothing
nowhere
that leads to something
shining there underneath the willow tree
was a quarter
and just for a minute
it was that great thing you promised
because that’s how bad i wanted it
only it was really nothing
and i was nowhere

i hate this job. i hate the way it makes me feel. i hate the people i have to deal with. i hate everything i have to do. i hate that i’ve been here for 6 years and i get nothing out of it. i hate that i wasted my time here. i hate that i’m still here. and i hate that i can’t find another job. money is evil and it makes me miserable. and the bullshit emails just keep coming… :( *cries*

i was running with you all night. it started as we were leaving a deli, looking for the car in the parking lot. people were walking over to where we were from next door. i saw a girl i knew from school, and she asked if i was leaving. i said yes. she mentioned that there was a warrant out for my arrest and everyone that was walking was set up and they were still looking for me. we finally got into the car and drove away really quickly. we ended up somewhere where there was a lot of snow. we also ended up inside another place, altho this one was mostly empty. we were in a giant empty garage like room, with a painted red floor, hiding while they were searching for us outside. we slipped out the back door and i went around back and waited as you went to look for the car again. we can never find that damned small car. you drove around back and picked me up and we headed back out onto the snowy roads. we took a side street to make it back to the main road without being seen. and we were running again… i was wanted for killing someone. and i guess i actually did do it…

needless to say, i was and still am exhausted since i think i ran all night in my sleep last night. :p

i have this tendency to think about things a lot. a real lot lot. and i have this current thing that i keep thinking about. and i wanna do something about it. but i don’t know what to do or if it’s a good thing to do or what it will bring. and all i really want is to be genuinely sorry and be really honest even tho it makes me look like a complete jackass. i wish i could just let this person in my head to feel what i want them to understand. because i just want to put it behind me. i wonder if it’s already been put behind her… and bringing it up will only make it worse. i don’t want to make it worse for her. how do you decide what to do? i wish someone could help me decide what to do… i need to stop thinking for a while.