eclipsedbyme

stupid ankles. :(

times like these make me feel tired
i’m almost old, almost young
left with no where to turn, with you in my eyes
i know that you’ve been there
yet you offer no comfort and i have no plans
which leaves me lying on my back again
waiting for the burn to take me over
leaving me in ash, turning you to ash
leading me closer to that nothingness
and i don’t wanna go there, i’m too tired

your voice is so soothing…
convoluted words dripping from your lips
and I live for this moment
to not understand, yet to be understood
these songs were written for you
I hear you strumming the soundtrack
to our conversation
and I’d love to hear you sing, will you be my melody?
do you think like me
or just about me
…wondering what each means as I listen to you talk
playing on my brain, deeper understanding
shining.

Fingers and toes lined the glass table, like a sick gallery of prized posessions. I wandered around, choosing the few I liked best, moving them to reveal the eyes underneath. “Future parts,” I giggled and moved on. The fingers were my favorite, and the toes were next. The eyes that were underneath always made me giggle.

Just think of them as plastic…

Lately when I attempt to type going I end up typing gong. It’s lame.

Numbers go through my head constantly. They don’t mean a thing tho.
I’m not a math person. I’m not doing math in my head. I’m just thinking numbers.
Because I like the way they sound. The way six and seven slither off the tongue. Eleven.
Turning 46 into into 64 into 6 + 4 into nothing. Nothing. Chaos in the brain.
Yeah, it means nothing when you look at it.
But think it.
Feel it. Be it. Hear it. Say it. Am I the only one?
Chaos in the brain…..

On the way to work, in a busy area, I noticed a critter coming up at the side of the road.
As I got closer I noticed it was a baby fox. It was unable to run off, though it was trying
desperately. Now I don’t know what happened or how long the fox was there trying to shelter
itself from the cars flying by, but I do know that A LOT of cars just passed by as if not to see it.
I got my cell phone and called in to the local animal control office so that someone would come
help the little guy. Everyone is so fucking self involved. So concerned about their little shitty lives
and their special fucking jobs, and fixing their hair while they drive. They are completely oblivious
to anything around them that doesn’t directly involve them. Complete disregard for nature, for their
surroundings, for the other creatures that we share the earth with.
I’m often ashamed of being American.
Now I’m starting to be ashamed of being human.

This is the third time now. Of course it’s not clear.
I’m not sure why it’s happening, the same feelings, the same thoughts,
slightly different surroundings. Always a dead body. This time in the bath.
Last time on the bed. Always looking for something. No idea what it could be.
Too many other people that I don’t know. Buzzing voices from other rooms,
no one is there. I can only hope that I get some clarity next time I go there.
Record what I see now.

green carpet
blood spatter
dirty kitchen counter
old claw footed bathtub
curly hair
red
kitty
metal
spiral stairways
black
candy canes
suffocation
face mask

They bother me. I don’t like anyone today.
I don’t like people who think that driving 50 mph
in the snow is okay. I don’t like people who are self involved,
and I don’t like people who don’t care about others.
This world is a sad place.
Try and remember that we are all human.