eclipsedbyme

i’m mad at myself. the past 2 years of my life have been hard. tests, chemotherapy, surgery, radiation… and i’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. i will be going in for breast reconstruction in 2 weeks. no more tissue expanders. i’ve missed the softer curves, but i’m still mad. i didn’t document. i don’t have pictures. i probably fought the hardest battle of my life and i have not written a word or snapped a before and after picture. it’s almost as though i’ve been through all this but have nothing to show. which is totally silly to say, since i have life. cancer makes you think crazy things. and moving on after an event like cancer is so much harder than you might think. i still feel lost and i’m not sick. i should feel strong. i feel like i’d be happier with a book of words and pictures to look back upon. i would carry it with me everyday. and flip through the pages each night. and it would help me heal. i’m not sure i’m really healing inside.